


U + Ur Hand

by Partridge_Scolops



Series: First Time for Everything [2]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bad Sex, Casual Sex, M/M, Relis is "That Guy"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 04:40:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Partridge_Scolops/pseuds/Partridge_Scolops
Summary: Kaladin thinks about entering the dating game, but ends up being a booty call.Where's the reset button for his life?





	U + Ur Hand

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Part 1 of this series, please do so before reading this. Thanks! :)
> 
> I'm sorry that this one isn't really Kadolin... BUT this is part of Kaladin's journey to finding Adolin and it is therefore important. 
> 
> Also sorry that this is fairly short, but the next part is much longer! :P
> 
> Also, very sorry indeed to have created Kaladin/Relis, but Kaladin needed to have bad sex with someone (because woe is him), and Relis was the first person who came to mind.

* * *

  _I'm not here for your entertainment_  
_You don't really wanna mess with me tonight_  
_Just stop and take a second_  
_I was fine before you walked into my life_  
_‘Cause you know it's over, before it began_  
_Keep your drink, just give me the money_  
_It's just you and your hand tonight_

* * *

 

By Monday, the hickey on Kaladin’s neck had faded enough that he was sure it wouldn’t be noticed by his coworkers. The same could not quite be said for the other marks Adam had left on him—those hidden beneath his clothing and those that were strictly metaphorical.

After confirming the hickey on his neck wouldn’t be a problem, Kaladin had stared at himself for a long moment in the mirror that morning, wondering why he didn’t look any different when he _felt_ so different inside. Two nights ago, he’d done several things he had previously believed himself incapable of doing and he’d _enjoyed_ it. He now knew he was capable of trusting another person, capable of letting someone close physically and to a lesser extent emotionally (he still needed to work on that last part). When he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt like he shouldn’t recognize the person looking back at him. Shouldn’t he should see something that wasn’t there before? Shouldn’t he have a new glint in his eyes? Perhaps an unfamiliar quirk to his lips? Shouldn’t he be walking differently?—More confidently?

But the reflection in the mirror was still him; same brown eyes and dark brown hair and deep olive tan, same furrowed eyebrows, same lips that settled more readily into a frown rather than a smile. He was still Kaladin Lirinson, the guy who’d never dated, had no fashion sense, and quite honestly preferred studying to sex.

Obviously Lopen had the same expectations and therefore didn’t believe Kaladin had actually gone through with the arrangement.

“You should look happy,” the Herdazian stated by way of a greeting when Kaladin first walked into the kitchen Monday morning. “I know you are still a virgin because your face is still horrible.”

Kaladin nodded. “Nice. Thanks.”

“Why’d you change your mind, gon? You seemed so sure.”

“Who says I changed my mind?”

Lopen eyed him. “You look the same as you did last time I saw you. No big smiles, no sore muscles, no tales of your conquest. You didn’t go. You failed your mission.”

Kaladin just rolled his eyes and walked away, ignoring the nosy dishwasher calling him back and demanding an explanation.

For the next few minutes, Kaladin busied himself with the morning prep. He was glad to be back at work just so he’d have some distractions. The day before had been filled with him struggling to focus on his studies only to find himself running his fingers over his lips, remembering the ghost of a kiss. He’d chastise himself and get back to reading only to drift off minutes later to fantasies of phantom touches that warmed his skin.

When Rock walked in half an hour later, Kaladin realized he hadn’t gotten much work done. He frowned accusingly at the tomato in his hand, as if it was responsible for his wayward thoughts. He seriously needed to get his head out of the clouds. It wasn’t like he was some horny teenager.

“Good morning, my friends!”

“He didn’t do it, Rock,” Lopen complained by way of greeting. “He chickened out.”

“Kaladin? Is this true?” Rock turned to him, a small wrinkle on his forehead. “You do not have to be so worried. If you have questions or would like tips, we can help you.”

Kaladin snapped the lid shut on a container full of sliced tomatoes then looked up to face the other Bridge men. “It’s _not_ true. I actually _did_ go through with it—whether Lopen believes me or not.”

Lopen raised his only hand in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay. How about this? You tell us all about it and we’ll decide if it’s true.”

“Yeah, we’re not doing that.”

“Lopen,” Rock cut in. “This thing should be shared only between two lovers. You should not be asking Kaladin for details.”

Lopen scrunched up his face. “Don’t be old-fashioned, Rock. Plus, I don’t think he really did it. If he did, sure, he would be bragging.”

“It’s really none of your business,” Kaladin responded crossing his arms. But he knew the discussion wouldn’t end unless he gave Lopen _something_ , so he continued, “But it went well. The guy was pretty cool about everything.”

He turned to carry the bin of tomatoes to the fridge, certain the discussion was over.

“That’s _it_?” Lopen demanded. “You sound _so_ excited. I _totally_ believe you lost your virginity. You don’t sound _at_ _all_ like you still have a stick up your butt.”

Kaladin raised one eyebrow as Rock clapped a large hand on the Herdazian’s shoulder. “Lopen, our Kaladin is a man of few words. He will not share any more than this. We must respect his privacy and be supportive. I, for one, believe he is telling the truth. What reason has he to lie?”

“Because we won’t let him hear the end of it,” Lopen responded, grinning devilishly.

“We will find other things to tease him about. Kaladin knows this.”

“Good point....” Lopen considered Rock’s words for a moment longer before his face slowly split into a huge grin. He turned to Kaladin and slapped him heartily on the back. “I’m happy for you, gon!” he declared. “You’re finally a man now!”

Apparently he was finally convinced that Kaladin really had done the deed. Kaladin relaxed and made a mental note to thank Rock later for helping keep the discussion so brief and painless—had Skar been on shift instead of Rock, things would certainly have escalated.

“Well, I still can’t go out and rent a car yet, or hold any positions in the federal government, so that's debatable.”

“This thing is more important than cars,” Rock added sagely, arms folded across his apron-clad chest. “It is milestone of life.”

Kaladin just shrugged at them both and went back to food prep for the day ahead of them. He didn’t feel like more of a man, really. Though he did feel like he had achieved something, like he wasn’t so broken after all. He was just as human as the rest of them, and sex wasn’t that daunting anymore.

Honestly, Kaladin was just glad the others didn’t expect him to talk about the night in detail. Lopen enjoyed speaking of his sexual experiences in great detail—though he certainly exaggerated about things just for the story-telling aspect of it—and it had always been uncomfortable for Kaladin. It’s not that he was old-fashioned like Rock, per se, but it did feel a little disrespectful or inconsiderate. Who’s to say the other party agreed to share such private information? And anyway (and possibly more importantly), if Kaladin was to give any further details about the other night, that would only lead to questions he couldn’t answer—either because he was blindfolded and couldn’t see to know the answer, or because he didn’t want to risk somehow revealing Adam’s identity.

And there was no way in hell Lopen would rest until he’d figured out who Kaladin’s mystery man was.

Perhaps Kaladin himself should be more curious as to who Adam really was. Certainly it would be nice to know.... But, no, he’d been aware of and agreed to the arrangement from the start; it didn’t matter how much he’d ended up liking the man, he had no right to know his identity. Besides, what would knowing his real name matter? It’s not like Kaladin could walk up to him and start a conversation. They weren’t friends. They weren’t even really acquaintances. Even if he knew Adam’s true identity, they’d be nothing to each other. So why bother wondering?

Kaladin kicked open the walk-in freezer to grab a box of fries, his wandering thoughts causing him to overlook the boxes at first. He needed to get it together. Honestly, it would be best to just forget about Adam. The emotions he’d been feeling that night had only been the result of endorphins brought on by their activities and the novelty of the whole experience. He would have felt the same way no matter who he’d been with at the time. It meant nothing and he shouldn’t put any stock in it.

Kaladin dropped his forehead against a box of frozen mashed potatoes. Maybe it was time for him to start dating. If he had something to compare the other night with, it wouldn’t stand out or seem like anything special. It would still be a good memory, being his first time and all, but the man he’d shared it with would slowly fade from the picture.

Maybe Lopen and his many cousins could set him up with someone? Kaladin grimaced at the thought. He didn’t need Lopen involved in his sex life any more than he already was. He could do this on his own.

After all, he was a man now, right?

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

The months passed and Kaladin began to see changes in himself.

Gradually, he had grown more confident, more comfortable in his own skin. He’d become aware that people considered him attractive, that they liked his physical appearance. Even so, he chose not to play up his looks; he hadn’t been vain before and he didn’t want to start now. He would let other people think what they would.

Kaladin also became a little less rigid, less hostile to strangers and more light-hearted around his friends. He wasn’t a chatterbox like Lopen and he still didn’t smile much, but he told a joke now and then, drawing surprised laughter from his friends. He felt...good. Not exactly happy, but good. Better than he’d felt in years. He could live with that.

It was due to this change in attitude (and a severe need to take a break from studying) that Kaladin found himself with the Bridge crew at their favorite pub (The Barracks, which Kaladin thought was a pretty dumb name, but hey). They were boisterous, possibly more so than usual, and had decided on a drinking contest. Kaladin knew better than to participate in _that_ , but he watched with amusement as Lopen declared his imminent victory over Rock, the short man’s words already slurring.

Their group was bigger tonight, as they’d needed the extra hands in the kitchen for a large event they’d catered. Other than Rock and Lopen, Kaladin sat with Teft, Skar, Sigzil, and Peet, the latter of whom spent most of the night flirting with the bartender.

As the pretty woman walked away to see to another customer, Skar leaned over. “Peet, why don’t you just ask her out, man? She’s definitely into you.”

“You think so?” Peet looked nervous, but his smile was wide.

Kaladin nodded. “If you ask her out, I’ll buy the next round,” he offered.

Everyone cheered to that and urged Peet to give it a shot. The man blushed, but his eyes were determined. “Okay. Here I go.” He stood, threw back the rest of his beer, and marched over to where the woman was pouring some shots.

“Oh, my god, this is awesome,” Skar said, laughing. “He’s been talking to her for _months_.”

“I really thought he would have asked her out sooner,” Sigzil agreed.

Kaladin took a swig of his beer, observing the woman’s face as she listened to Peet. She was smiling, reaching out to touch Peet’s forearm. From her expressions and body language, Skar was right—she was just as interested in Peet as he was in her.

Kaladin wondered what they were saying to each other. He wasn’t exactly the best conversationalist and his dating game was still terrible. He would notice when someone looked at him appreciatively, but he didn’t know how to respond to such glances, didn’t know what he would say if he approached the admirer (or if they approached him. But that hadn’t happened yet—perhaps because his expressions tended to range from mildly grouchy to actively hostile). Maybe he should ask for pointers. Not from Lopen, obviously, but some of the other Bridge men might have some valuable tips.

Lopen wolf-whistled loudly, drawing the attention of the budding lovers, and Teft jabbed him in the ribs with an elbow, laughing. Spirits were high tonight and Kaladin let the feeling of it wash over him. He was glad he’d come.

Just then, something cold hit his chest, soaking his shirt.

“What—?” Kaladin looked up sharply to the man who had apparently just spilled his drink all over Kaladin’s front.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” The man dashed to the bar to grab napkins and came back, pressing a large wad of them to Kaladin’s chest, dabbing across the mess. He had a wide, flat face and was probably a full foot shorter than Kaladin. “I can’t believe I tripped.”

Uncomfortable at the way the other man was touching his chest, Kaladin snatched the napkins away. “Don’t worry about it,” he muttered, attempting to dry his shirt himself.

“Name’s Relis.”

Kaladin looked up again and frowned. Not only had the guy not left yet, apparently he thought this was a great time for introductions. Kaladin took a wild guess and figured this whole thing was just a way to start a conversation with him. “Good for you,” he deadpanned. “Now can you fuck off?”

Skar tittered into his beer beside him, and the man, Relis, widened his eyes in shock.

“Look, man, it was an accident, okay?”

“Like your face?” Lopen called.

Okay, he was definitely drunk.

Relis’ face turned red, features twisting into anger and embarrassment, and he stormed off without another word.

The rest of the table burst into laughter, clapping Lopen on the back.

“What a dick,” Skar said, nudging Kaladin.

“Yeah,” he muttered. His shirt was thoroughly soaked and no amount of napkins was going to fix it. The idiot must have dumped an entire twelve ounce glass of beer all over him. He tossed some cash on the table, enough to cover his tab and another round, as he’d promised. “I think I’m just gonna head out.”

He rose from the table to loud booing from Lopen and Rock, but everyone else just bid him good night like civilized people. As he stepped outside, a cool breeze stirred his hair. It was a pleasant night and he thought maybe he’d walk back to his apartment instead of taking the bus.

After a few steps toward the parking lot, the door opened behind him and he glanced back. It was Relis.

“Hey,” the shorter man called. “Can I just talk to you for a sec?”

He wasn’t threatening and actually just looked a little flustered, if anything. Against his better judgement, Kaladin stopped and waited.

“I’m sorry for spilling my drink on you. I just—I think you’re hot and I didn’t know how to talk to you.”

“Maybe try saying ‘hi’ next time,” Kaladin suggested sarcastically. “Instead of wasting a beer.”

“Yeah, I see that. You just have this sign on your forehead that says ‘fuck off’ and I didn’t think you’d give me the time of day.”

Well, he was probably right on that count (in fact those were the exact words Kaladin had said to the guy). Even the people Kaladin found attractive got little to no reaction from him when they showed interest. This guy wouldn’t have stood a chance.

“Look, can I just give you my number?” Relis held out what appeared to be a napkin with his cell number and name scribbled onto it. “Call me sometime, maybe? If you get bored?”

Kaladin couldn’t say he was charmed. The guy was anything but smooth and honestly wasn’t good looking. But Kaladin also couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about sex in the intervening months since his first time. Relis wasn’t dating material, but maybe this could just be a casual thing.... In the end, Kaladin reached out and took the napkin.

Relis smiled, relief clear on his features. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“Kaladin.”

“Cool.” Relis started walking backwards towards the bar. “Maybe I’ll see you around, Kaladin.”

With a nod, Kaladin turned and headed home, slipping the napkin into his pocket.

Relis was no Adam, but maybe that was the point.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

About two weeks later Kaladin found himself sitting on his couch staring at the new contact in his phone. It was Christmas Eve, and he was alone (as he had been for the past five Christmases, so what was number six, really?). He couldn’t say why he was even thinking about calling Relis; it’s not like he was lonely, or horny, or bored. Well, maybe he was a little bored. Now that he’d passed his finals and school was out for winter break, he was left with more time than he was used to having. Maybe he could call his parents? A flash of guilt hit him. No, he couldn’t call them. Not yet.

Syl glided over to land on the back of the couch, then took dainty hops all the way down to where Kaladin sat, making herself comfortable on the armrest. She chirped at him in that small voice of hers, getting his attention.

“Hey, Syl.” He rubbed at her chest with his index finger. “Sorry I’m not much fun today.”

He’d tried texting Lopen and Rock, but both were out of town visiting their respective families. Everyone else was stuck pulling a shift at the Bridge, even though the place was dead tonight. They’d get to leave early, but Kaladin doubted they’d want to spend the rest of their evening entertaining him.

Kaladin sighed and looked down at his phone again. Okay, so maybe he was bored _and_ lonely. It was pretty pathetic. He might as well give this a shot, if only to stop feeling sorry for himself.

Relis picked up on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

Kaladin could hear talking and laughter in the background and immediately felt like a jerk. Who wants a complete stranger calling them when they’re trying to spend time with their family for the holidays?

“Hey, Relis. It’s Kaladin.”

“Who?”

“The guy with ‘fuck off’ branded on his forehead.”

“Oh,” Relis laughed. “Yeah, hey. How’s it going?”

“Good. Yeah....” Kaladin rubbed the back of his neck, glad the other man couldn’t see his nervousness. “Uh, just wondering if you were busy tonight. I thought maybe we could hang out.”

He winced. Hanging out was for friends, acquaintances even, but he and Relis were neither. But if the other man had noticed, he didn’t comment on it.

“Tonight?” Relis asked. “But it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just not usually free.” The implication of course being that this was Relis’ only chance at this. “Look, if you can’t make it—”

“No,” the other man blurted. “No, I mean, tonight’s fine. I’m just staying with my parents for the holiday. Do you know where we could meet up?”

“My place is fine.”

Relis seemed to compose himself now that he was sure Kaladin wouldn’t hang up on him. “Okay, sure. Text me the address and I’ll head out.”

“Bring a condom,” Kaladin threw in. He’d never gotten around to buying any, even after that night, but he wasn’t about to be irresponsible.

“Y-yeah,” Relis stuttered. “Got it. See you soon.”

Kaladin hung up and texted the other man his address.

“There,” he said to Syl as he dropped his phone onto the couch beside him. “Not moping.”

She chirped approvingly and nibbled on his knuckles.

***~*~*~*~*~*~***

While he waited, Kaladin set about tidying up. He didn’t own much, for various reasons—he either wasn’t interested in it, couldn’t afford it, or didn’t have time to use it—so there wasn’t really much to put away. He basically just picked up a few dirty clothes, put away the clean dishes, and tucked away the medical books and all his study notes he’d somehow scattered about the apartment. He was just considering whether he should order some food when a knock came at his door.

He opened it to find Relis with a smile on his face that was only a little smug.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Kaladin stepped aside to let the other man in. “You can put your shoes here,” he added, pointing to a space near the door.

Relis looked around as he untied his shoes and took them off. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.” Kaladin chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Want a drink or anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Relis stood up and eyed the couch. His expression seemed to indicate he found it lacking as he turned back to Kaladin and asked, “Where do you want to do this?”

Kaladin frowned.  He knew this was just a hook up, but the way Relis talked was so tasteless, almost like it was a business transaction. Kaladin hadn’t been expecting romance, but couldn’t they at least let it happen a little more naturally? Maybe chat a little first, drink a beer, then see where things went?

But a wise man knew when to pick his battles. Kaladin had had other chances to (potentially) sleep with someone else, and he’d made no moves to do so. As of now, he could either sleep with Relis or go back to sitting alone in his apartment while the depression slowly settled in for the winter.

He headed towards the bedroom. “This way.”

Once there, Kaladin turned around, only to have Relis seize his hips and back him into the bed. He was so taken off guard that when the back of his knees hit the mattress, he lost his balance and fell backwards with a quiet, “Oof.”

Before he could regain his composure, Relis was unbuttoning Kaladin’s pants and sliding the zipper down.

“A little warning would be nice,” Kaladin snapped.

Relis glanced up at him before returning to his task of removing Kaladin’s pants. “Sorry, but I don’t have much time. I told my parents I was buying eggnog.”

“What the hell, man?” He wasn’t a grocery list, to be done and checked off hopefully in under an hour. “That’s really shitty.”

Relis dug something out of his pocket and tossed it on Kaladin’s bed—a condom and some lube. “Look, do you wanna fuck or not?”

Kaladin only scowled up at him in response.

“ _You_ called _me_ ,” Relis reminded him, unzipping his own pants and dropping them to the floor. “On Christmas Eve.”

Kaladin had to admit the whole thing made him sound pretty desperate. He swallowed thickly and looked away, ears burning. He _wasn’t_ desperate for sex like Relis was, but he could have used the company. Unfortunately, it was clear there wasn’t going to be any conversations or even friendliness tonight; this was just about sex. Relis wasn’t his first choice (in fact, he’d been Kaladin’s _last_ choice) but he would have to do. Maybe they’d talk more next time. Kaladin would pick a better day and they wouldn’t have to rush

Resigned, Kaladin pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor, then hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear and slid those off as well. Relis had frozen above him and when Kaladin looked up, he could swear the guy was drooling.

“I thought you’d be hot, but _damn_.”

“Eloquent,” Kaladin deadpanned.

Relis shook himself from his blatant staring and tugged off his briefs, kicking them aside to step up to Kaladin. With the other man standing and Kaladin sitting on the bed, they were of equal height. Kaladin knew he was tall, knew he shouldn’t let height differences be an issue, but honestly Relis was just a little too short, a little too pudgy, for Kaladin to find him sexually attractive—he just wasn’t his type. (But what _was_ Kaladin’s type, really? Men with nice voices and contagious laughs who kissed really well?)

Relis grabbed the lube he’d previously tossed on the bed, coated his hands, and started to pump his own cock. “I should have asked before, but you’re a bottom, right?”

“I’m a _what_?”

“A bottom," Relis grunted. "You get fucked.” He used his knees to shove Kaladin’s legs apart, standing so close he was completely in Kaladin’s space. Then he took Kaladin’s cock and began working him into hardness as well. “I’m a top. I do the fucking.”

For some reason, Kaladin didn’t think that was how it worked. Why would people stick to only one dynamic? Sure, having a cock inside him had been great, but it didn’t mean he’d never want to try it the other way around. He didn’t bother protesting though, mostly because he’d never “topped” before and he had the feeling Relis wasn’t in the mood to experiment.

Once they were both sufficiently hard, Relis pointed wordlessly to the middle of the bed. Kaladin followed his direction and settled down on his back. The shorter man then rolled on a condom, climbed up on the bed, and positioned himself at Kaladin’s asshole as if he was just going to _go for it_.

“What are you doing?” Kaladin demanded.

“Uhh.” Relis looked honestly confused

“You can’t just shove it in cold like that,” Kaladin snapped. Shouldn’t Relis know that? Kaladin was barely out of virginhood and he knew that.

Relis sighed, unnecessarily loudly, and picked up the lube again. “Roll over, princess. I’ll stretch you out.”

Kaladin didn’t know why he needed to roll over, but did so anyway without arguing, just for the sake of getting this whole thing over with a little faster. Relis lifted Kaladin’s hips roughly until he was on his hands and knees and then pressed a finger into him, a little more abruptly than Kaladin was expecting. He hissed at the intrusion, but made no comment.

Relis didn’t take his time, didn’t ask how Kaladin was feeling. He added more fingers incrementally and when he decided he’d done enough, pulled his fingers out and lined up his cock behind Kaladin.

Guess they were doing it in this position, then. Great talk. Glad we all agreed on that.

Relis gripped Kaladin’s ass, spreading his cheeks apart as he pushed his way inside. “Shit, you’re tight.”

Kaladin clenched his teeth, hands fisting in the sheets. Relis wasn’t as big as Adam had been, but this hurt a lot more. Kaladin’s insides stung and he felt the hot drag of Relis’ cock every inch of the way. It felt like it took forever for him to finish pushing in, but finally he did.

“I can barely move,” the other man complained. “Stop squeezing.”

“I’d stop squeezing if you stopped trying to move,” Kaladin grit out. He breathed in through his nose, waiting for his body to stop burning. If Relis wasn’t so selfish, this wouldn’t have been so bad.

A minute later Kaladin relaxed enough that Relis was able to pull out slowly, then push back in, but it still hurt. Kaladin reached down to fondle his own cock (which had completely softened during the past few minutes) seeing as Relis didn’t seem inclined to do it. At the very least, he could distract himself from the discomfort. Slowly, arousal began to stir within him, his breathing picking up and his eyes slipping shut as his cock hardened.

Relis gradually (though not gradually enough) picked up his pace, still gripping Kaladin’s ass as he moved. Kaladin pumped his cock and pushed his hips back in time with the other man’s thrusts as pleasure began to outweigh the pain.

“You like that?” Relis said, distracting Kaladin from the haze that had only just begun to form across his mind. Relis thrust a little harder as if encouraged by his own words. “You like my dick in your ass?”

Kaladin closed his eyes again and ignored the other man, focusing instead on touching himself and trying to angle his hips in an (unsuccessful) attempt to get Relis to hit his prostate. After a few minutes, he subconsciously began to imagine another hand on his cock, deft and lightly calloused, a hand that gave instead of took. He imagined a wet mouth, soft lips, kissing along his shoulders and lighting his skin on fire. He imagined a low voice in his ear, warm and too painfully kind, encouraging him, praising him, saying his name.

Kaladin came with a startled gasp, eyes flying opening in surprise.

Relis cursed behind him, but he seemed to really be talking to himself. He continued thrusting into Kaladin for another full minute or two—during which Kaladin tried to process his thoughts and compose himself—until he finally finished with a drawn out grunt, holding Kaladin’s hips still as he came.

After a moment, Relis pulled out and climbed off the bed. Kaladin shifted to sit cross-legged and tucked his hair behind one ear as Relis slid off the condom and tossed it in the trash.

“Bathroom?”

Kaladin pointed the way. He listened as Relis washed up, and watched as he got dressed, but he didn’t feel inclined to move himself. He felt listless, disappointed. This hadn’t been what he’d expected. He’d thought there would be fireworks again and stars behind his eyes. He’d thought maybe he would shout his pleasure and feel a sense of connection with the other man. Instead he felt more empty than before.

“Hey, are you getting dressed?” Relis asked.

Kaladin frowned and shook his head. “You can see yourself out.”

“Yeah, okay.” Relis walked to the bedroom door, one foot in the living room before he turned around. “I had a good time. Text me if you want to do this again.”

Kaladin didn’t lift his gaze from the floor in the corner as he responded noncommittally, “Yeah.”

A minute later he heard the front door shut. Silence rang in the empty apartment. He was alone.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Despite the honestly awful sex, Kaladin ended up calling Relis a few more times over the next two months. It was more to relieve stress than anything else, but he still made sure not to tell any of his friends about it.

Though Kaladin had initially been optimistic that he and Relis would talk more if they had more time, Relis showed no interest in doing so. Kaladin had asked him about his family (his dad was in government—no further details were forthcoming), his hobbies, what kind of food he liked (Kaladin figured he needed to go with easier, less personal questions) but Relis shut him down every time, redirecting Kaladin’s attention to the fact that they were there to have sex. Relis, of course, asked no such questions of Kaladin. His focus was admirable, though incredibly disappointing.

On top of that, Relis hadn’t grown into a more considerate lover. In fact, he made such a big deal about the fact that Kaladin needed to be prepared that Kaladin learned to just do it himself before the two of them met up. It was the only way to make sure it wouldn’t hurt the whole time. He also never touched Kaladin really. He just kind of let him take care of himself. It was almost like neither of them really had to be there, like they both just happened to be masturbating in the same room, but not in a sexy way.

Kaladin was starting to reconsider the whole arrangement. After each time with Relis, his self-esteem plummeted. Was he just doing this because he was “supposed” to have sex? Since when had he ever done something just because he was “supposed” to do it? He had more integrity than that, damnit.

These thoughts were circling around in his mind as he glared down at his beer. He was out with the Bridge crew again (mostly so if Relis texted him he could say he was busy). It was for this reason that Kaladin was confused when he felt a tap to his shoulder and looked up to find—

“Relis?” In hindsight, Kaladin shouldn’t have tried to hide from the man in the very same bar in which they’d first met.

“Hey, sweet cheeks.” The shorter man grinned in a way he probably believed was fetching, but actually just looked smarmy. “I want you to come meet my drinking buddies.”

Without looking at the other Bridge men (he didn’t want to see the looks on their faces), Kaladin stood and followed Relis to a table in the back of the bar. Why did Relis want him to meet his friends when he couldn’t even _pretend_ to have a conversation with Kaladin just five days ago?

“Guys, hey,” Relis called as they reached the table. He pushed Kaladin forward by the small of his back and announced, “This is Kaladin.”

“Dude, he’s _real_?” one man exclaimed.

Apparently Relis had been talking _about_ him, even if he didn’t talk _to_ him. That’s cool.

Another man looked Kaladin over from head to toe and said, “You’re right, Relis, he _is_ hot. Way too tall for you, though.”

The group laughed and Relis’ face darkened. He was seriously insecure—that, at least, Kaladin had found out about him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter how tall he is when he’s on his hands and knees with my dick up his ass.”

Relis’ friends fell over themselves at this comment, laughing and cheering, and Kaladin did his best not to deck the asshole right there in front of his friends. Instead, he laughed condescendingly and threw his arm around Relis’ waist. “Come on, buttercup, they aren’t going to fall for that.”

“Huh?” Relis looked up at him, aghast.

“It’s obvious that you’re the one taking it in this relationship.”

The short, balding man sputtered, face reddening as he looked between Kaladin and the group of men howling in laughter. It was such a stupid thing to be offended over. Who had decided that being on the receiving end of sex made you weak or lesser? But Kaladin had known it would get the right reaction.

Before Relis could recover, Kaladin leaned in to speak lowly in his ear. “We’re done, Relis. Don’t ever contact me again.”

“Wait, Kaladin.”

But Kaladin was already walking away, taking a seat with the rest of the Bridge men, his back facing Relis and his idiotic friends. He let out a sigh of relief when he wasn’t followed.

“What was that?” Sigzil asked, craning his neck to look behind Kaladin.

“Nothing. Just some guys who think they’re really funny.”

Skar turned around to look over at the back table, where Relis’ friends were still laughing raucously. “Hey, wait. Is that Dickhead? From that night like two months ago?”

Shame filled Kaladin as his face heated up. “Yeah.”

“Dude...” Skar sounded disappointed and Sigzil shook his head sadly. “You’re way out of his league. You shouldn’t settle for assholes like that.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Kaladin quipped, “but I’m an adult now. I can do whatever I want.”

“...And you want to do _that_?” Skar hiked a thumb over his shoulder to indicate Relis. 

“Skar,” Sigzil admonished. “Leave him alone.” Kaladin was relieved to have someone on his side until Sigzil added, “He needs to make his own mistakes.”

“Thanks, both of you,” Kaladin snapped sarcastically. “I was just thinking I didn’t feel enough like shit tonight, but you’ve effectively killed that last sliver of my bruised ego.” He gave them a thumbs up. “Great friends. Really.”

Skar patted him on the back. “How ‘bout you let us hook you up from now on. You have terrible taste.”

“Ooh!” Sigzil piped up. “What about that guy from his class?”

“What, the one who mooched off him on every assignment? Yeah, great catch.”

“He sounded cute, though.”

“Sig, this is why people don’t believe you when you say you’re not gay.”

Kaladin tuned out their banter and stared into his beer again. He’d known hooking up with Relis was a bad decision. The guy was a jerk, the sex had been bad, and they’d barely ever said two words to each other every time they met. But Relis had been the first person who’d actually approached him. It wasn’t that Kaladin had been flattered by the attention (he’d been more annoyed than anything). It was more like he didn’t know how to seek anyone out himself and it had just been easy to go along with it. But now he felt like a complete fool for ever sleeping with Relis in the first place.

Maybe he just wasn’t someone who could have casual sex. Maybe he was one of those people who needed sex to mean something. He hadn’t liked Relis’ touch at all, much less enjoyed it the way he’d enjoyed Adam’s. Maybe that was because Adam had taken the time to connect with Kaladin on some level, even if they didn’t have an actual relationship. It had been easier to trust him. Kaladin just needed to do that again.

Somehow.


End file.
